Our Story

“He doesn’t get what I say after teaching him more than a dozen times or even a thousand times. I need to train myself to be more patient.”

Pieces of a fragmented puzzle were scattered on the table, Tong Tong carefully placed each piece in its own position which joined together into a beautiful picture. Tong Tong is a 26 year-old with autism, moderate intellectual disability and speech impairment. Every morning he walks to Hong Chi Lam Tin Centre with his father, Garry. Throughout the 15-minute walk, Garry grabs his son’s hand tightly because Tong Tong may suddenly run into the shops nearby and turn off light switches on the wall. After the daytime training, Tong Tong returns home and starts working on a puzzle prepared by his father before getting to work.

 

Like Father, Like Son
Besides playing puzzles, Tong Tong also enjoys outdoor activities. “Loving nature is part of our DNA. We go hiking every weekend. He loves travelling as much as I do, and he has no problem in taking long-haul flights.” Garry said. Being an active and physically fit young man, Tong Tong has competed in some major sports events and Walkathons to Guangzhou with his father, sharing good times together. 

 

A Scar that Won’t Heal
Tong Tong had been taken care of by his mother until he was 11 years old when she got ill. Garry took up the responsibility to take care of his only child after his wife passed away. Looking after Tong Tong was not as difficult as he thought because his wife had helped Tong Tong develop the necessary self-care skills. But still, parenting a child can be difficult, especially when he has challenging behaviours. “Tong Tong cannot express himself with words. He used to bite people when he felt uneasy. Social workers would stop his disturbing behaviour and try different ways such as giving him a mouth guard to help release his suppressed emotions.”

Gradually, Tong Tong has abandoned his bad habit of biting people. Since then, he has begun to pull his shirt collars hard until the buttons fell off or to hit his cheekbones fiercely as a way of dealing with his unspeakable feelings. Looking at his son’s face with purple bruises and scars, Garry feels helpless as there is nothing he can do about it. “Even though I am upset by his self-harming behaviour, I never want to see him hurting others.” A ripped off button can be repaired but a father’s hurt feeling can hardly be fixed.

Tong Tong’s self-harming behaviour has left bruises and scars on his body. Garry also had a large scar on his hand. It was not only an unforgettable experience, but also a life lesson for him. They usually have shower together every day. One day, Tong Tong suddenly lost his temper and started jumping up and down when they were in the shower. Garry tried to hold him back from jumping on the wet floor. Both of them slipped and fell. “I put out my hand to break the fall. I thought my little finger was dislocated so I tried to pop the finger back into the joint by myself. But after an x-ray examination, the doctor said my little finger was fractured and needed a 2-hour operation to fix it.” Garry said. Although the scar has faded, his broken finger has become stiff to move. “Luckily, Tong Tong didn’t get hurt at all. I would blame myself if something happened to him. After that incident, I realized that I need to be more patient especially when my son is losing his temper.”

 

Teaching is an Act of Love
When they go out together, Tong Tong sometimes shakes his hands repeatedly and causes irritation to some of the people around him. Garry usually stops him immediately and apologizes for what his son does. People often show understanding when they know he does not do it on purpose. “Even though he has intellectual disabilities, he needs to learn how to behave well.” Garry disciplines Tong Tong for his good to show his love for him.

 

Learning to Let Go
Garry and Tong Tong have a bedtime story ritual, sharing bible stories and quality time together. Although the father-and-son pair look inseparable, Garry has been queuing for a government-subsidized hostel place for his son because he knows his son has to spend his life in hostel permanently. By paving the way for his child’s future, Garry can ease his worries about his son, and help Tong Tong start the next chapter of his life with him being there. “He can start with spending a day or two in hostel at the beginning and slowly get used to hostel life.” No matter how hard he grasps his hands, there comes a time when he needs to let go.

 

Are you going to miss Tong Tong? 
“Everything goes as it should be. I have to let my child walk his own path. I will die before my son, so I better make the best possible arrangement for him as soon as I can. If my plan doesn’t work, I still have time to figure out what to do.” They keep searching, finding and gradually seeing their life puzzle coming together. It may not be a perfect one but each life puzzle is filled with selfless love and care.

Our warm wishes to all parents. Happy Mother’s and Father’s Day.

 

Please click here to watch the full video interview